Essential Leave

I keep all of my probation paperwork three-hole punched and organized in a binder.

I took my Essential Leave today.  Per usual, I went to Kinko’s first to fax my home-monitoring PO my schedule for next week.  Since this is the first week of the month, I’m also required to send my monthly probation report.  I am required to send monthly reports to my home-monitoring PO, as well as my general probation officer.  I send my general probation officer the report via mail, and I fax my home-monitoring PO a separate report.  In each report, I must include copies of my proof of income and fill out respective probation paperwork.

I’m used to people noticing my ankle bracelet when I go into public.  Today I waited in line at Ralph’s and saw that the man behind me was staring at my ankle.  This never fails to amuse me, imagining what the hell people must think.  I walked out to the store parking garage after, and the man was leaving at the same time.  He kept staring, and right before we parted ways, he gave in.

“I’m sorry, but I have to ask,” he said.  “What is that on your ankle?”

“It’s a court-ordered GPS device,” I said with a straight face.

He stared at me in amazement.

“Oooh, um.  Ahaha, wow.  What?  Man, I was thinkin’ it was some workout thing or somethin’.  Damn.  That’s heavy stuff.  Okay.  Well, good luck with everything!  Aha, damn!  You crazy, girl!”

I said thanks and went to my car.  One of these days, when someone asks me what the hell is on my ankle, I should just say, “It’s a bomb” without looking at them, and start counting down from thirty in an ominous tone.  That would probably end the conversation pretty quickly.  Make ‘em wonder.

223 days to go.

I am aware that my penmanship looks like I write with a hoof.