Birthday, 2012

Alone on New Year’s Eve, for the first time in my life.  My birthday is on New Year’s Day, so the stroke of midnight has always meant something a little extra to me.

I got home from work about twenty minutes before 2012.  I rushed home.  What for, I don’t know.  I can’t tell if it would have been worse or better to have just stayed at work, rather than rushing home to plug myself into an outlet and listen to Auld Lang Syne on a loop.  Oh God, so depressing.

At least I’m not in prison.  Great.  I found the silver lining.  I suppose that’s a little ray of sunshine I’ll always be able to refer to in times of discontent from now on.  A reminder of how it can always get worse.  And we all know how there is nothing that lifts your spirits when you’re feeling down quite like imagining something even more horrific than what you’re already experiencing.  It’s like the helpful expression, “at least you’re not down a mine”.  Nothing puts me in a good mood like the thought of being trapped under miles of dirt and tunnels, defenseless and praying for a quick death if things go south.

I think I’d rather be in prison than a mine.  It depends on the mine though- and the prison.  Maybe it would be a dice roll.  I can only imagine what working in a mine is like.  I can tell you this much from experience though- being in prison is terrible.  It’s a living hell.  I know.  I’ve been there.

It’s common to reflect on the past year, with the arrival of a new one.  I look back on my 2011, and it is difficult to believe some of it:  I moved three different times, a small indie film I starred in was released internationally to DVD, and I served time in a federal prison.

It’s absolute madness, isn’t it?  I mean- I never would have thought- ever- that this could happen.  It is truly mystifying.  I speak, of course, of the international DVD release of “Chick Magnet”.  To those precious few of you who have already had what can only be described as the pure joy of watching this masterpiece- I offer you no refunds, excuses, or further comment at this time.

You know what’s strange to think about?  At midnight on January 1st, every year, there’s a good chance that practically anyone you’ve ever loved, dated, or even just kissed, is kissing someone who is entirely not you, and they are all doing it at the same exact moment in time.   Thankfully, after some of the experiences I’ve had in the last two years, I feel that a big enough piece of me has broken off and died inside where I can look at this probability with fascination and even amusement, rather than complete horror and repulsion.

Well, there you have it.  A nice little cup of joy to start the new year with.  Bottoms up.  And you’re welcome, by the way.  Next time you’re feeling down about a situation, you can always say to yourself, “at least I’m not on house arrest.”

310 days to go.