Casting Call

I just had to share this.  This is the message I received about the casting for the dating reality show.

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I’m ########, Casting Producer on season 2 of the hit dating show, CBS “#######!” I came across your profile and think you’d be great for the show! See info below and give me a call!

Thanks,
########
###-###-#### x###

NOW CASTING THE HOTTEST SINGLES FOR SEASON 2 OF THE CBS HIT DATING SHOW, “#######!”

ARE YOU READY TO PLAY THE GAME???

•    In the game of life and in the dating world, how do you measure up?
•    What’s your dating strategy?
•    How do you get the guy/girl?
•    How good is your “game”?

WILL YOU WIN AND BE PART OF THE LAST COUPLE STANDING…OR BE “#######”?

The Producers of “##### ####,” “### #### #####,” and “### ### ##### ####” are seeking sexy girls and guys for a show filled with twists, turns and eliminations! Are you up for a challenge?

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My responses to this might be the following…

•    In the game of life and in the dating world, how do you measure up?

Well, I’m home seven nights a week.  You can pretty much figure me as the gimp in Pulp Fiction.  But, instead of the bondage mask, I have an ankle bracelet.  Like the gimp, I’m not going anywhere.
•    What’s your dating strategy?

I turn the local Trader Joe’s into a singles bar during my three hours of weekly shopping time.  Alienation is inevitable.  Success is unlikely, but possible.
•    How do you get the guy/girl?

I tell them that I’m a dangerous criminal and that they ought to beware.   I also have the obligation, based on the terms of my probation, to inquire about their criminal record and see if my probation would allow us to any have contact, whatsoever.

“Hey, there’s no chance that you’re a felon, is there?  It’s just that I’m not allowed to associate with other felons.  You understand.”
•    How good is your “game”?

Bleak.  I only get to practice it on the UPS man and the guy from Domino’s named Alfredo.  Their response has been mostly raw confusion, but I remain optimistic.

224 days to go.