My memoir SMOKE is now available for pre-order! It’s being released through HarperCollins Publishers under their imprint Dey Street Books on March 24, 2015.
Wow, what a journey this has been. It all started long before the creation of this blog, but things began to come into focus for me and I started to take control of my life when I made the decision to share my experience through this website. It seemed much less significant to me then, but over time I’ve come to mark this decision as a major turning point in my life.
I remember the day I decided to begin this blog. I was sitting in the kitchen of my single apartment in Korea town having coffee with my neighbor, sick to my stomach realizing that I was about to take down the website I’d had for acting. I’d been paying 20 dollars a month to keep it up, and after finding out that I wouldn’t be allowed to audition during my year of house arrest I didn’t want to waste money on it. I remember having this sinking feeling that by taking down my website I was accepting the idea that I ought to be hiding in shame, away from the world and letting the skeletons in my closet rattle their bones for the rest of my life.
Though I knew I would be met with mixed judgments from people, I decided to value the catharsis of coming clean and expressing myself over the fear of other’s opinions about me. That in itself was freeing. And let’s be honest- I didn’t exactly have much grace to fall from after a felony conviction for smuggling a fleet of Range Rover’s worth of weed into the Midwest.
I think my drive to write and make something worthwhile of all this could be explained under a sort of fight or flight theory; I wrote about my experience to be able to come to terms with it, so I could move on with my life. Sharing something through writing can have a similar effect as saying something that’s difficult to admit out loud to a trusted friend. It helps to reflect on experiences and begin to work through them.
This blog ultimately opened the doors that led to me getting a publishing deal, and everyone who encouraged me as I was writing here had a part in keeping me inspired to continue to write and push forward. Thank you to everyone for your support.
I’m very proud and excited to be able to share my memoir with all of you this coming spring! I’ve never worked so hard on anything before in my life, and I’ve learned so much during this process from the very beginning. It still seems surreal to me that I wrote a book and it’s actually being published by anyone, let alone a major “Big Six” publisher. It just goes to show that even when you’re in what seems like a hopeless, horrible situation, it’s worth holding on to hope for the future, because even if it takes a few years there can be great things ahead if you’re willing to work hard, work through it, and have a little faith.
SMOKE is available for pre-order for paperback and e-book at HarperCollins.com and through most major booksellers like Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Copy and paste the link below to order directly through HarperCollins, otherwise feel free to choose your favorite bookseller!